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5 Women Reveal What Happened When They Had Sex With Their Husbands Every Day For A Month
Let's face it: Sex is one of the first things to go in a long-term relationship, even before couples quit saying "excuse me" after belching and picking up their smelly socks. It's not that it doesn't start out all moonlight and fireworks, but somewhere between paying the bills and emptying the dishwasher, making lunches and catching up on Facebook, sex slips many notches down the totem pole of daily priorities.
But what if...it didn't? What if we applied the same dedication to sex as we do to showing up at work every morning or making dinner every night? Would the intimacy bring us closer? Would the fires reignite? Or would the act become routine and tiresome, like brushing your teeth? We challenged five couples to commit to having sex every day for a month. Here's how it went.
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"It was the shot in the arm our relationship needed."
"We've been married for 20 years. And after being diagnosed with breast cancer over 6 years ago, I realized that I wanted to say yes to more things in life—and that included saying yes to sex. So despite having undergone cancer treatments, I allowed myself to feel sexy and love my body for all the good things it did for me every day. Before the challenge, our sex life was pretty good for the most part, and with summer here—which is all about free time, having fun, staying up late, and making more time for each other—I knew that there would be more opportunity for sex. It was not difficult to do it every day. We have a private backyard, an outdoor shower...we can get creative. There were some nights when we realized as we were climbing into bed: OH NO, we didn't have sex today; let's hurry up and do it. Thank goodness those days were only toward the end of the month and only happened a handful of times. And for about 25 of the 30 days the sex was really good. The other 5 times we were just doing it because of the challenge. Ultimately, it did give our relationship the shot in the arm it needed. It was somethingfunthat we both looked forward to. We definitely connected on a deeper level. And there were benefits to having an orgasm every day: My skin was glowing, my mind was more focused, and my husband had his best sales month ever!"
—Christine E., 47
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"When I made arousal—not orgasm—the focus, sex became much more satisfying."
"I've always had problems with sex. I've felt self-conscious and I've had pain near the opening of my vagina. With pelvic-floor therapy it got better, and I have a dildo-like thing that I'm supposed to use every day to keep the area stretched. I've been with my husband for 21 years, but still I sometimes feel we're beginners. I don't come during sex, so I'll use my vibrator to have an orgasm. When we don't have sex I feel guilty, like I should want it all the time. That's why I took the challenge, so that it would hopefully become a more casual thing. We didn't end up having sex every single day, but rather an average of every other day, which is still more than our usual once a week or less. One day we had about 40 minutes to kill, and I said, 'Let's go upstairs.' My favorite part was on the first day, which was a Saturday. We looked at a porn site and got some tips, and put them to use, which was really arousing. I came once during the month, a small orgasm. While I do feel I'm missing out, when I made arousal—not orgasm—the focus, sex became much more satisfying."
—Ruth W.,* 59
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"Scheduling sex, as unromantic as that is, turned out to be a real benefit."
"Besides living together, my husband and I also work together, so our sex life had become a bit, 'all about business.' It's hard to turn work off at the end of the day when your spouse is also your business partner. I wish we took more time to be romantic about it. And while the sex we do have is great, there just isn't enough of it. Scheduling it in, as unromantic as that is, turned out to be a real benefit. Anthony said that knowing we'd have sex every night eased a lot of anxiety he would normally feel during the day wondering whether he was going to get lucky later. Having sex every day also helped us bond in a more romantic 'couple-y' way. A few times I was exhausted and sort of dreading it, but as soon as we got started, all was good. It gave our relationship a new vibe for sure. We were much more playful and romantic during the day knowing that we were going to have sex at some point. We talked about sex almost every day and learned more about each other's needs and wants."
—Cordelia S., 44
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"By day two my husband was already making excuses."
"My husband and I have been married for 30 years. We're both still competitive athletes, racing several times per summer and keeping fit with everything from weight lifting to running and biking. We still 'knock boots' about once or twice a week, with a good week being a three-timer. When this challenge came up, I thought I'd be in heaven. I knew it wouldn't be a long, drawn-out session each night, and even hoped that some nights would be some teenage making out, or that I would take care of him or he would take care of me. Day one we had a quickie, as it was before work. By day two my husband was already making excuses and saying that it takes him a day to reload. As I pushed for days three and four, he started feeling pressure to perform and I knew I'd lost him. I begged him to just take care of my needs a few times, and he was reluctant to do even that. During the month, we also took our yearly vacation with our four adult children. With six adults crammed into two hotel rooms, and as creative as I could be about Mommy and Daddy sharing the bathroom, my husband was just too nervous that the kids would hear us. For the balance of the month, I never mentioned the challenge again for fear that the pressure would send him running. So we continued our usual routine of two, sometimes three times per week. I was quite disappointed, because I'm always in the mood and get tired of taking care of things myself. My sadness stems from the fact that he didn't take this challenge seriously, and because all of the fantasies I had about things finally being more reciprocal in the bedroom soon vanished."
—Stacey G.,* 52
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"We became much kinder and more tender on a daily basis."
"Nick and I have always had a pretty active sex life, but we were slowing down to a few times a week. This challenge seemed like a great way to try to get back to a daily practice. And it was: By the end of the month we were back to having sex multiple times a day. Nick and I also work out together—we do Crossfit three to five times a week in the AM—and getting stronger and fitter together totally boosts the libido. When you both look good and feel good in your body, there's lots of fun to be had. This exercise really got us back to a honeymoon-ish kind of place. In fact, last Friday night we did a last-minute late night drive to Santa Cruz to camp by the beach and get away. My favorite side effect of all the sex is how much kinder and more tender we are on a daily basis. After work when we're relaxing, we're more affectionate. We'll sit and watch movies while giving each other foot rubs.
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